New site: Ten Cent Beers.

It’s super awesome because I won’t have to change the domain name after any future decisions!

The wind let out of the sails
No update in months, epic fail
The blog was dead, covered in flies
“But still, like air, I rise.”

Consider me invigorated. There has been a lot of hype over this new LeBron commercial. Was it well done and even a little humorous? I don’t know. Well, maybe. A little.

But the guy asks a lot of questions in the 90 second video, and no one seems to actually address his questions.

Since I thought this was a little rude, I thought I might help LeBron out and give him the answers he was so desperately looking for:

LeBron James: What should I do?
Bitter Cleveland Fan: Thats a little broad. Try again.

LBJ: Should I admit I made mistakes?
BCF: Oh, absolutely. Yes. You really should. But where to begin? Game 5? 6? The Decision? Its a tough call.

LBJ: Should I remind you I’ve done this before?
BCF: What? Stared at your high school’s trophy case? I’m not impressed.

LBJ: What should I do?
BCF: Again. Broad.

LBJ: Should I tell you how much fun we had?
BCF: It was fun at first, but you never finished the job. And as any guy can tell you: Blue Balls are NOT fun.

LBJ: Should I really believe I ruined my legacy?
BCF: Wipe that smirk off your face. You at the very least tainted it. You’ll never be considered in the conversation of Best Ever with MJ anymore (even Kobe for that matter). They stayed and won in the same place. Built a team around them. If you want to go to South Beach and have fun with your all-star team of friends, that is fine. I don’t care, really. Just don’t expect your legacy to remain what it once was, or seemed destined to be, that’s all.

LBJ: What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
BCF: Holy crap. Stop.

LBJ: Should I get my tatoo removed?
BCF: This is actually a really good call. Either get it removed, or make an addition: have them change it to “CHOSEN 1/3.”

LBJ: Want to see me shiny new shoes? Should I just sell shoes?
BCF: I’d rather open a picture message from Brett Favre. Thanks, but no thanks.

LBJ: Should I tell you I am not a role model?
BCF: We know this because you’re eating a strawberry frosted donut on TV? That was the stupidest joke in the whole bit. Seriously though, it is not up to you whether or not you want to be a role model: you already are. It was up to you to be a good one, or a bad one.

LBJ: Should I tell you I’m a championship chaser?
BCF: Yup.

LBJ: Should I be who you want me to be?
BCF: Cry me a river.

LBJ: Should I accept my role as “The Villain”?
BCF: This actually wouldn’t be a bad idea for you. Just make sure you choose a different nickname than “The Villain.” It’s taken.

LBJ: Maybe I should just… disappear?
BCF: I’m fine with it. But I’d settle if just your knee cartilage disappeared.

LBJ: Should I stop listening to my friends?
BCF: Yes. Absolutely. LRMR might be the worst marketing agency ever. I can promise you “The Debacle”, err… “The Decision” will live in infamy in marketing texts as a classic textbook case of the-worst-strategy-ever. Congratulations, Maverick.

LBJ: They’re my friends.
BCF: I get that. It’s just that they are stupid friends.

LBJ: Should I take up acting?
BCF: Should I let my publicist lead me to believe Don Johnson is still relevant? (thanks ktz).

LBJ: Should I read you a soulful poem?
BCF: I like mine better.

LBJ: Should we just clear the decks? Start over?
BCF: Sorry, what is done is done. People may think this commercial is clever, but they still think you’re a dick.

LBJ: What should I do? Should I be who you want me to be?
BCF: Enough with the pity party already, LeBron. You are free to play wherever you want to play. Seriously, I mean that. It’s not up to us where you wanted to play. It was up to you. Just don’t be salty or shocked that what you wanted doesn’t match up with the legacy you wanted.

You can determine your career, LeBron. But it is your fans that determine your legacy.

- Sam Toth

Any other good fantasy team names out there? Particularly interested in Cleveland ones…

To make an irrelevant YouTube clip relevant, check out this clip:

I think this kind of sums up the Cavaliers off-season right now. It’s utter chaos. The two teetor-totters are like the Coach Search and the GM Search. What makes it all go is the bull, which in this case is obviously LeBron James. Dan Gilbert is like the owner of the rodeo — he makes more money if the bull has its way and comes back for more next week.

Did that make any sense? I swear it did in my head.

Moving on, here are all the questions I’m asking myself after Danny Ferry’s resignation:

• Why did this happen? I liked Danny Ferry.
  
  • Does he think we have no shot at signing LeBron and was he afraid of the challenge? Was he that peeved about the firing of Mike Brown? I don’t know if we’ll ever find the real answers to those, but I doubt either of those were why he left.
  • I think this happened because of a disagreement over preferred coaching candidates. Ferry would have liked to keep Mike Brown, or get someone with good NBA experience. Gilbert wanted Tom Izzo. Ferry disagreed with the choice. Ferry resigned.
• Who is in charge now?
  • Chris Grant.
• Will he be in the future?
  • For now, at least.
  • Doesn’t sound like too big of a scrub though. He’s had 15 years experience in the NBA and actually turned down the Atlanta Hawks GM position in 2008.
  • Having said that, I don’t think Gilbert passes on a big name with more experience if he becomes available.
• Who can we expect to replace him?
  • No idea. You?
• None. So is this a positive move in terms of keeping LeBron? Be honest.
  • I’m not so sure.
  • I think LeBron liked Ferry. And Ferry had the savvy and connections to pull off some heists — Mo Williams, Shaq, Antawn Jamison. Say what you want about how they all turned out, but each time he gave up little to nothing for each player. Each trade upgraded the Cavs roster and appealed to LeBron.
  • On the other hand, they may have looked good at the time, but now, we’re strapped with some pretty big contracts for some pretty big no-shows come post season.
  • Having said all that, after the Celtic series debacle, I think change can be good. Izzo would be a strong coaching candidate and I’d be fine with Grant as GM, but would look to see what else is out there.

You know the mental state you have to be in to break down like Bruce Drennan did?

Jason Donald beating out an infield single to break up a no-hit bid in the top of the 9th inning.

I’m close.

I just sat at the bar and watched the Indians come oh so close to being no hit, nay pitched perfectly against. Armando Galarraga almost found himself in the company of Ubaldo Jimenez, Dallas Braden, and Roy Halladay – all whom have thrown no hitters this season (Braden and Halladay’s were perfect games).

If it weren’t for Jason Donald’s infield single(!) in the top of the 9th, the Tribe would have been on the opening segment of Sports Center. And when I say infield single what I mean is botched call by the umpire. Instead the opening of Sports Center will probably be something about the Flyers winning (they are at the moment). How am I expected to make friends in a new city when I ask them to meet me at the bar that has the MLB package and watch the Tribe game? I would feel better asking these people I barely know for money instead of trying to make friends with them while watching some of the worst offense professional baseball has to offer.

• Fausto Carmona couldn’t have pitched much better than he did tonight. It was the kind of outing that the Indians need to have to compete with Detroit. The Tigers lineup is tough though. Austin Jackson got on base, Miguel Cabrera and the reborn Magglio Ordonez drove in the runs. Sure, there was a little help from Boesch and Damon but you get the point. That’s how Detroit’s offense is going to play you, even when you’re pitching is at it’s best. Galarraga is a pitcher who had a rough ’09 season though (posting a 5.64 ERA), so we  should have seen some fire out of the Indians offense. Instead we didn’t see a hit until the last minute, when it didn’t even matter. After losing his last three consecutive starts it would have been nice to get Fausto (our ace) some run support and take this series from the Tigers on the road.

• Galarraga was also only a couple appearances off the Disabled List coming into this game- it would have been a great game for the Indians to go out and win to try and gain some momentum, win some games. Has the organization given up? I know Many Acta hasn’t (despite the feelings of one of my fellow writers on this staff). I’m not saying the players have either. I’ve been told smart business men don’t hold on to investments that lose money. So either Paul Dolan is an idiot (possibility) or he isn’t bleeding money like he says the team is. We know he isn’t ready to sink any more back into the team either. Especially after saying most of the money lost came from down revenues at the ball park. No one showed up to the games because when Shapiro was in place and the team didn’t overspend on any players to actually win games. Dolan still must have been making money to still be holding onto the team. Now Shapiro 2.0 is in place, Chris Antonetti, and we are just going to keep seeing the same bargain bin mentality that has plagued this team since 2001 when Shapiro took over as GM. If Dolan wanted to win games Cliff Lee and Victor Martinez would still be in Cleveland. Very quickly I came up with a little letter from The Fellas (as Reghi would call us):

Paul Dolan,

Please sell the Cleveland Indians to someone else. Anyone else. And Remember to bring it strong!

~ The Few Indians Fans left.

• I wonder if Dan Gilbert will have any cash left over after the LeBron sweepstakes…

"ARod, your stats look like they could use a pick-me-up. May I be of some service?"

In fact, the coaching he did is valuable testament to the kind of impact managing has on a baseball game and is why the position is so damn important.

In the 7^th inning, down only 1 run to the New York Yankees, Acta made the astute choice to just end the game.

Instead of pitching to Mark Tiexiera, his terrifying .221 AVG and anemic .387 slugging percentage (30 points lower than masher Ichiro). Manny intentionally walked the first baseman to pitch to… Alex Rodriguez.

In 9 at bats this year with the bases loaded, ARod is hitting .556 with 2 HRs and 16 RBIs.

OK, 9 at bats is a pretty small sample to draw any conclusions from. Maybe Acta wasn’t fooled by ARod’s luck this year with the bags full?

Yeah… not the case. In his 14 years in the bigs, the man has hit .350 with 20 HRs and 230 RBI with a .710 slugging percentage with the bases loaded. That’s right; he is only three Grand Slams behind Lou Gehrig for the all time record.

Literally shocked by those numbers, I racked my brain for an ‘all-time’ list- guys I remember being Gods with the bags juiced or guys I heard my father speak reverently of. Once I had my top 5, I checked out the stats on these modern monsters (We don’t have situational stats pre 1974):

Rod Carew: .366 AVG, 5 HR, 177 RBI, .546 SLG

Wade Boggs: .363 AVG, 4 HR, 170 RBI, .480 SLG

Barry Bonds: .376 AVG, 11 HR, 214 RBI, .624 SLG

Manny Ramirez: .333 AVG, 21 HR, 252 RBI, .705 SLG

Pat Tabler: .489 AVG, 2 HR, 108 RBI, .693 SLG

ARod’s stat line seems to edge them all out.

So, just a recap: down 1 run, with 1 out and two guys on in the 7^th, Manny Acta walked a guy to pitch to perhaps the greatest bases loaded hitter of all time. I’m almost speechless. The man makes managing more baffling than a David Blaine special.

Conventional wisdom says they’ll go for a high-profile, well established head coach. I agree with the conventional wisdom. We already tried the “rising assistant” approach and failed.

Who will replace Mike Brown?

I know Mike Brown’s resume says he is the most successful head coach in Cavaliers history. But no other coach had LeBron James. The bottom line is that he won zero rings, made baffling in-game decisions in critical times and became a lightning rod for jokes to national sports writers such as Bill Simmons.

Regardless, as is with all break ups, the best thing to do is move forward and not look back. Waiting…1…2…3… Yup! I’m good with it. Time to move on.

Like all things this Cavaliers offseason, the coaching search will center around LeBron.

Here’s the Catch-22:

• The Cavs want to hire a high-profile coaching candidate in order to help persuade LeBron to stay in Cleveland.
• No high-profile coaching candidate is coming to Cleveland unless LeBron is for sure staying in Cleveland.

It’s a classic chicken-and-the-egg conundrum. For Cavaliers fans eagerly waiting, its a vicious circle.

Nonetheless, here are the five coaching candidates that the Cavs should consider:

1. Phil Jackson
   Age: 64
   NBA Titles: 10
   NBA Career Record: 832-316 (.735)

   If the goal is to win titles, this guy has got to be at the top of anyone’s list. He knows how to handle the superstars (MJ and Kobe), build an offense around them, and most importantly: win titles with them.

   According to Ric Bucher, Phil Jackson and the Cavaliers culture mix about as well as “oil and water.” Whatever. LeBron is the next great superstar in this league and he needs a coach that is bigger than him to help him grow. Phil Jackson can be that guy. How do we know he can be that guy? Because he’s already been that guy. Twice.

   But why would he come to Cleveland?
   a) Money — Dan Gilbert has plenty of it and is willing to spend it on the Cavaliers. Plus, if it helps LeBron stay, it would be quite the sound investment.
   b) The Third Superstar — He’s had the advantage of coaching two of the NBA’s premier superstars in their primes. Now he has a chance to coach LeBron James in his prime.

   OK, but why wouldn’t he come to Cleveland?
   a) His girlfriend is the daughter of the Lakers owner.
   b) He likes the big city.
   c) Bill Simmons thinks he’ll get a “godfather” type offer from the new Nets owner, aka Mutant Russian Mark Cuban. So it could all be moot.
   

2. Mike Krzyzewski
   Age: 63
   NCAA Titles: 4
   NCAA Career Record: 868–279 (.757)

   To be honest, Phil Jackson and Coach K are really 1) and 1a) in my book. Jackson would normally be the clear front runner, but maybe Bucher’s “oil and water” comment rang truer to me than I had let on. Oh well.

   Now, onto Coach K. First of all: he’s 63? Huh? The guy has got less gray hairs than me. And I’m 22. I didn’t see that one coming. I bet he wins all sorts of prizes at Cedar Point guessing game booths.

   Seriously though, I know he has no experience coaching in the NBA, but by all accounts Coach K did a remarkable job revamping the Olympic team leading them to a gold medal last year. He developed a strong relationship with LeBron James and James seemed to respect him.

   But why would he come to Cleveland?
   a) Money — Same as above. But maybe moreso a factor than with Jackson, because he’ll never be able to make the kind of money in college that Gilbert might offer.
   b) Legacy — He’s already won an NCAA title. He’s already won an Olympic Gold Medal. The only thing left on his coaching resume is to win an NBA title. If he does that, he goes down as one of the top coaches in NBA history. Period.

   OK, and why wouldn’t he?
   a) He’s already got a great thing going on right now. He’s a living legend among Duke folk. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
   b) He doesn’t feel like writing “Krzyzewski” a million times on all the paperwork that would involve him leaving Duke and moving to Cleveland.
   

3. Lenny Wilkens
   Age: 72
   NBA Titles: 1
   NBA Career Record: 1332-1155 (.536)

   Despite the old age, Wilkens recently said he would come back to coach the Cavs. With 1300+ victories under his belt and 1 NBA title to his name, he certainly has a pretty solid resume to say the least. He is another guy who is big enough to humble LeBron James.

   The age is certainly something to worry about. But if he says he can come back and be excited about it, doesn’t that at least warrant a call?

   But why would he come to Cleveland?
   a) Money — Noticing a trend?
   b) Titles — Wilkens is regarded as one of the best to have coached in this league. But I bet he’d love to at least double his current title count and solidify his place among history.

   Why wouldn’t he?
   a) He’s 72.
   b) Bob just beat his high score at Wii Bowling at the Shady Acres retirement home. An anonymous source said Lenny is pissed about it.

4. Tom Izzo
   Age: 55
   NCAA Titles: 1
   NCAA Career Record: 364–146 (.714)

   Wait… Am I really considering someone under 60? Yes. I am.

   Izzo is one of the premier college coaches in the game. He preaches tough defense and rebounding, which is something I liked about Brown, and is a great in game strategist, which is something I disliked about Brown. So I think I like him more than Brown.

   He’s got a fiery personality and seems like he would be able to motivate a basketball team to get them pumped for a game.

   But why would he come to Cleveland?
   a) Money — Yup. There’s a trend.
   b) MSU connection — Read today from Windhorst that Gilbert is a Michigan State graduate and is a fan of Tom Izzo’s.

   Why wouldn’t he?
   a) Like Coach K, he’s got a good thing going for him right now.
   b) He’s afraid to leave the Izzone.

5. Byron Scott
   Age: 49
   NBA Titles: 0
   NBA Career Record: 352-355 (.498)

   Of all the candidates I’ve listed here today, I think Scott is the only one who would come to Cleveland with our without LeBron James. Unlike Jackson, Coach K and Izzo, he doesn’t have a good coaching gig already that we’d need to lure him away from. And unlike Wilkens, he’s not over 70 and in need of an overly enticing coaching job to get him back in the game.

   I know he has zero titles and a below .500 regular season record, but hear me out.

   Although he never won an NBA Championship, he has been to the big show twice. And although he has a below average regular season record, his post-season record is 33-24 (.579) which is pretty respectable.
   
   But why would he come to Cleveland?
   a) Money — What can I say? Money talks.
   b) Third chance — Scott is too young to be done with coaching. He has never said that as far as I know, but if I am 49 and lost twice in the NBA Finals? I’m eager to get back on that horse.

   OK, so why wouldn’t he?
   a) Apparently he’s being courted by the Bulls as well. So he does have some options. Crap.
   b) His moustache will always be second best to Colt McCoy’s.

I repeat: The prevailing theme in this whole coaching search? LeBron James. Everything hinges on the Akron Hammer.

There is no way any of those guys (except maybe Scott) come to Cleveland without LeBron. And, in my opinion, there is no way LeBron comes back to Cleveland unless we land one of these guys.

As for firing Brown, I think it had to be done. Apparently LeBron didn’t tell the Cavs he wanted Brown gone… but if he wanted him to stay, he could have stopped it. So I’ll listen to those actions.