A Bitter Cleveland Fan Responds to the Questions Asked in the new LeBron Rise commercial

26 10 2010

The wind let out of the sails
No update in months, epic fail
The blog was dead, covered in flies
“But still, like air, I rise.”

Consider me invigorated. There has been a lot of hype over this new LeBron commercial. Was it well done and even a little humorous? I don’t know. Well, maybe. A little.

But the guy asks a lot of questions in the 90 second video, and no one seems to actually address his questions.

Since I thought this was a little rude, I thought I might help LeBron out and give him the answers he was so desperately looking for:

LeBron James: What should I do?
Bitter Cleveland Fan: Thats a little broad. Try again.

LBJ: Should I admit I made mistakes?
BCF: Oh, absolutely. Yes. You really should. But where to begin? Game 5? 6? The Decision? Its a tough call.

LBJ: Should I remind you I’ve done this before?
BCF: What? Stared at your high school’s trophy case? I’m not impressed.

LBJ: What should I do?
BCF: Again. Broad.

LBJ: Should I tell you how much fun we had?
BCF: It was fun at first, but you never finished the job. And as any guy can tell you: Blue Balls are NOT fun.

LBJ: Should I really believe I ruined my legacy?
BCF: Wipe that smirk off your face. You at the very least tainted it. You’ll never be considered in the conversation of Best Ever with MJ anymore (even Kobe for that matter). They stayed and won in the same place. Built a team around them. If you want to go to South Beach and have fun with your all-star team of friends, that is fine. I don’t care, really. Just don’t expect your legacy to remain what it once was, or seemed destined to be, that’s all.

LBJ: What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
BCF: Holy crap. Stop.

LBJ: Should I get my tatoo removed?
BCF: This is actually a really good call. Either get it removed, or make an addition: have them change it to “CHOSEN 1/3.”

LBJ: Want to see me shiny new shoes? Should I just sell shoes?
BCF: I’d rather open a picture message from Brett Favre. Thanks, but no thanks.

LBJ: Should I tell you I am not a role model?
BCF: We know this because you’re eating a strawberry frosted donut on TV? That was the stupidest joke in the whole bit. Seriously though, it is not up to you whether or not you want to be a role model: you already are. It was up to you to be a good one, or a bad one.

LBJ: Should I tell you I’m a championship chaser?
BCF: Yup.

LBJ: Should I be who you want me to be?
BCF: Cry me a river.

LBJ: Should I accept my role as “The Villain”?
BCF: This actually wouldn’t be a bad idea for you. Just make sure you choose a different nickname than “The Villain.” It’s taken.

LBJ: Maybe I should just… disappear?
BCF: I’m fine with it. But I’d settle if just your knee cartilage disappeared.

LBJ: Should I stop listening to my friends?
BCF: Yes. Absolutely. LRMR might be the worst marketing agency ever. I can promise you “The Debacle”, err… “The Decision” will live in infamy in marketing texts as a classic textbook case of the-worst-strategy-ever. Congratulations, Maverick.

LBJ: They’re my friends.
BCF: I get that. It’s just that they are stupid friends.

LBJ: Should I take up acting?
BCF: Should I let my publicist lead me to believe Don Johnson is still relevant? (thanks ktz).

LBJ: Should I read you a soulful poem?
BCF: I like mine better.

LBJ: Should we just clear the decks? Start over?
BCF: Sorry, what is done is done. People may think this commercial is clever, but they still think you’re a dick.

LBJ: What should I do? Should I be who you want me to be?
BCF: Enough with the pity party already, LeBron. You are free to play wherever you want to play. Seriously, I mean that. It’s not up to us where you wanted to play. It was up to you. Just don’t be salty or shocked that what you wanted doesn’t match up with the legacy you wanted.

You can determine your career, LeBron. But it is your fans that determine your legacy.

- Sam Toth


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Circus Ringleader: LeBron Analyses Out of Control

8 06 2010

The Clock of Doom that has been ticking inside Cavaliers fans’ heads for four years now is finally approaching its end—an end that seems terrifyingly closer now that the Cavs have yet again flopped out of the playoffs, Mike Brown has been fired, Danny Ferry has resigned, and Dan Gilbert has officially embarked on his expected warpath to find the next Cavaliers head coach.

All signs point to the Cavs’  front office preparing for a franchise apocalypse.

Add to all that the fact that nearly half the team’s roster (Mo Williams, Delonte West, Daniel Gibson, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Shaquille O’Neal, Jawad Williams, and that LeBron guy) is currently in limbo concerning the future status with the squad and Clevelanders’ patience and sanity are being shaved away bit by bit.

The nonstop barrage of anti-Cleveland sentiment (LeBron Photshopped into Knicks, Nets, Bulls and Heat uniforms, experts’ perceived chances of LBJ staying in Cleveland dwindling daily, etc.) seen, read, and heard in sports media isn’t helping people in Cleveland feel optimistic about the city’s basketball (and economic) future, either.

Yes, the Cavaliers’ season and foreseeable future hit an official tailspin after Game 5 of the Boston series.

And yes, the certifiable nationwide circus that began and snowballed since season’s end was certainly expected.

But this is beginning to get a bit out of hand. Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Cavs, Dan Delagrange

Ferry Ships Out Of Town: Cleveland GM Resigns, and its affect on the Cavs

7 06 2010

With the resignation of Danny Ferry this afternoon, the future of the Cavs is thrown into an even deeper uncertainty.

To make an irrelevant YouTube clip relevant, check out this clip:

I think this kind of sums up the Cavaliers off-season right now. It’s utter chaos. The two teetor-totters are like the Coach Search and the GM Search. What makes it all go is the bull, which in this case is obviously LeBron James. Dan Gilbert is like the owner of the rodeo — he makes more money if the bull has its way and comes back for more next week.

Did that make any sense? I swear it did in my head.

Moving on, here are all the questions I’m asking myself after Danny Ferry’s resignation: Read the rest of this entry »


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Who Will Replace Mike Brown? 5 Coaching Candidates The Cavs Should Consider

24 05 2010

The Cavaliers fired Mike Brown last night. So who is going to replace him?

Conventional wisdom says they’ll go for a high-profile, well established head coach. I agree with the conventional wisdom. We already tried the “rising assistant” approach and failed.

Who will replace Mike Brown?

I know Mike Brown’s resume says he is the most successful head coach in Cavaliers history. But no other coach had LeBron James. The bottom line is that he won zero rings, made baffling in-game decisions in critical times and became a lightning rod for jokes to national sports writers such as Bill Simmons.

Regardless, as is with all break ups, the best thing to do is move forward and not look back. Waiting…1…2…3… Yup! I’m good with it. Time to move on.

Like all things this Cavaliers offseason, the coaching search will center around LeBron.

Here’s the Catch-22:

  • The Cavs want to hire a high-profile coaching candidate in order to help persuade LeBron to stay in Cleveland.
  • No high-profile coaching candidate is coming to Cleveland unless LeBron is for sure staying in Cleveland.

It’s a classic chicken-and-the-egg conundrum. For Cavaliers fans eagerly waiting, its a vicious circle.

Nonetheless, here are the five coaching candidates that the Cavs should consider: Read the rest of this entry »


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We Are All Witnesses; Just Not To What We Had Hoped

14 05 2010

I feel like this is becoming a recurring theme here, but: I hope I’m wrong.

I desperately hope I’m wrong, but I just can’t shake the feeling that last night we were all “Witnesses” to the death of professional basketball in Cleveland.

We Were All Witnesses... To Game Five :(

Maybe “death” is too strong a word. I do not think the Cavaliers will leave Cleveland. Perhaps the phrase “the plunge back to below-average-at-best-mediocrity” is better. Odd, it doesn’t make me feel all that better.

Whatever you want to call it, we witnessed it unfold at the end of Game Six. Read the rest of this entry »


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Thoughts Heading Into A Momentous Game Six

13 05 2010

Lots on my mind. Need to ramble. Time for some quick thoughts.

Quick Thoughts:

  • I know, I know. Game Five was historically terrible. Maybe even insulting. But I will try not to dwell on it. I’ve already written my two cents. But if you want more on it, I’ll recommend stories by Brian Windhorst and Bill Simmons. Great reads with some great points.
  • Now onto Game Six…
  • We’re down, but not out. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. The more I sit back and watch everything unfold in the media and the sports blog world, the more I cannot help but think we are all overreacting a little bit. Seriously, teams come back from down 3-2 all the time. The Hawks already did it this season.
  • All we need to do is win tonight. If we do that, it’s back even and it all comes down to one game, and it’ll be in our house. I know the Cavs haven’t taken advantage of home court so far this series. But if the game comes back to Cleveland, that means the Cavs had an attitude change tonight. Momentum suddenly swings in our favor.
  • In the world of the internet, sports fans have become so engulfed with media coverage. Things get blown out of proportion all the time. You hear the same story on SportsCenter three different times, read about it on websites, then get exposed to it yet again on twitter… Suddenly, you start believing its that big of a deal.
  • Because of all the instant and hounding coverage, we live in a “What Have You Done For Me Lately?” world now more than ever before. It only took one horrid loss to turn Cavalier fans’ world upside down. It will only take one win to put it back in perspective. It will only take two wins to get back to everyone’s goal: winning a championship.
  • How can we beat the Celtics? Here’s my unprofessional opinion that means diddly-squat: Read the rest of this entry »

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Windhorst Perfectly Captures the Fans Let-Down

12 05 2010

Game Five was such a let down, it took the sports blog/forum/commenter world by storm. Everyone and their mother had written some sort of reactionary piece expressing their frustration with the Cavalier performance. Myself included.

Such hotheaded venting, combined with the audible boo’s from the home crowd, led many from outside of Cleveland to wonder:

You know about King James... Meet King Windy.

a) Are the Cavs fans spoiled? b) Is he not allowed one bad game? c) Have they turned on LeBron?

The answer to those, hopefully, are: a) No, you jerk. b) Of course he’s allowed to have a bad game and c) No. At least I hope not.

In a special to ESPN.com, Brian Windhorst of the Cleveland Plain Dealer perfectly captures what is bothering Cavalier fans:

“Those numbers [LBJ's Game 5 Statline] are not why James’ performances have been shocking. Is it his nonchalant attitude that mixes with tentative play when he is trying to make something happen? That is what will be remembered for years and what has thrown so many of his supporters off guard. Read the rest of this entry »


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Six Point Swing: How Game Five Turned From Bad to Franchise Derailing

12 05 2010

I hope LeBron James and the Cavaliers prove me wrong. I would want nothing more than them to win the next one in Boston, come back to Cleveland and win game seven for all those fans they disappointed tonight.

Hell, the Atlanta Hawks did it after losing game five at home to the Milwaukee Bucks. So there is still a chance, right?

But as optimistic as I like to be, I just cannot shake the feeling that there is a better chance of Spencer Pratt becoming a likable human being. (For those fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with Pratt, you’ve got a better chance of finding a monkey typing Hamlet.)

LeBron James and the Cavaliers played with little heart and even less regard to the hopes and dreams of city of Cleveland. They mailed it in this game. Gave up. And it was inexcusable.

This was a six point game at half time. Six points. At home. How were they not fired up to come out, play some dominant defense, take the lead and pump up the crowd? Six points was all it had to take.

What happens?

Six points — for the Celtics, courtesy of Ray Allen within the first 30 seconds to open the second half.

All it would have taken was a measly six points to get back into the game. Unfortunately, all it took was a measly six points to completely deflate the Cavaliers. Read the rest of this entry »


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Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde: A Tale of Two Cavs This Postseason

10 05 2010

LeBron James promised fans a “different monster” this post-season. Since this proclamation, fans have only caught glimpses of said monster.

The 2010 post-season has been more of a Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde act, with unfortunately more of the easy going Dr. Jekyll showing up at tip-off than the fearsome Mr. Hyde.

"I'm lookin at the Man in the Mirror. I'm hoping he can change his ways."

The monster, or Mr. Hyde, has shown its face in just three games. Games 1 and 4 of the first round, and then Game 3 of the second round. Each time, there was an extra source of energy coming into the game.

Game 1 was the first playoff game and the Cavaliers were tired of answering questions about the effect of resting players — so they came out and dominated. The other two games followed losses which aided the Cavalier sense of urgency.

In each of those games, you could see the potential of this Cavaliers team — the “different monster” that LeBron had alluded to earlier. It’s just too bad that this “different monster” has a Hulk-like need to be agitated in order to reveal itself. Without any increased pressure before a game, the tame Dr. Jekyll comes to play. Read the rest of this entry »


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Cavs: Cleveland Fans Deserve Better than that Game 2

4 05 2010

If it looked pretty flat and smelled pretty flat. Then by golly, the Cavs played flat.

It was as if Rajon Rondo took a galion roller to the Cavs roster. To provide a visual, Rondo played the role of Austin Powers while the Cavs embodied the absent minded security guard in the following clip:

Terrible. Cleveland fans deserve better.

If the Round 1 Game 3 loss to the Bulls served as an innocent wake-up call to the Cavs, this Round 2 Game 2 loss should serve as a disrespecting slap in the face. I was glad the Cavs lost that third game to the Bulls. I’m terrified that they lost this game 2 to the Celtics.

The Bulls were a young team with little veteran leadership, and the Cavs lost an away game. Minor bump in the road. On the other hand, the Celtics are a team full of veterans with playoff experience and a championship ring to their name that just beat the Cavs in their house. They also head back to Boston knowing that they just out dueled the Cavaliers in 3 out of 4 halves played. And in Cleveland, nonetheless.

Tonight, the Celtics stole both the momentum and the home court advantage for the series. This is a big deal.

The Cavs started slow and finished slower. Sure, they had a decent run at the end. But it was too little too late. The message had already been sent: They took this team too easy, and the Celtics made them pay.

After a sluggish start in the first quarter, the Cavs went on a decent little run to pull within 1 before a Rondo 3 to end the quarter put Boston up 4. Second quarter? Same thing. Slow start, Boston begins the quarter with a 9-0 run followed by a Cleveland run that pulls it back to within 4 going into halftime.

I was already worried at this point. It seemed obvious that the Cavs were taking the Celtics lightly. Sure, we started off slow and they might be winning now. But we can turn it on later and get the victory. No big deal.

I think this overconfidence will prove to be the Cavs Achilles heel. That, and free throw shooting.

They don’t seem to play with a sense of urgency unless they have a fire lit under their butts. In Game 1, it was Mo Williams dunk that sparked a Cavalier comeback. In Game 2, it was a “Holy Sh*t, we’re down 20 with only 8 minutes left.” As we all unfortunately know, that “Holy Sh*t” moment came too late.

With home court advantage now in the favor of the Celtics, hopefully the fire is aflame under the collective Cavaliers butt. The sense of urgency begins now.

Cleveland fans deserve a better performance than they saw in Game 2. We are a proud, championship starved city that sticks with their teams through thick and thin. Regrettably, its usually a lot more thin than thick.

But with this 2009-2010 Cavs, they are the thick. Thickest team we’ve had in a while. All Cleveland fans want is to see them play with heart for 48 minutes.

We don’t deserve an “Ah, we can get ‘em later” attitude and halves that are effectively mailed in.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this Cavs team should win a championship. Now its up to them to hold a blowtorch to their rears, play with some heart, and win one for the City of Cleveland.


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